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A large body of research shows that the key to connection, trust, and leadership is empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand emotionally and intellectually another's position, point of view or emotional state while be
Even how we listen plays into how empathy works. “Whole body listening” is a term I use to demonstrate being present while listening. We can show this with more than just our ears and eyes. The ability to set everything aside in order to be present is a powerful way of connecting and really listening. That means stop what you are doing and give yourself
Most of the time, we don’t think about how we listen to people. We actually mostly listen with a question in mind, like how can I help, or how can I fix the problem. We may also minimize the speaker’s emotional state or intellectualize when we don’t connect with our emotions. We listen to answer, but we may be completely off base, and that creates possible misunderstandings or distrust. Think of a time when you just wanted to be heard and not given solutions or advice.
There are two ways of being empathetic: Cognitive empathy is intellectual understanding, and emotional empathy is emotional understanding. Both lead to greater connection with others. Being able to separate your own emotional state and really sit with someone else and their emotions requires understanding yourself and getting to know how you operate. This can be achieved by taking an emotional intelligence assessment and using the feedback to map a plan to increase your self-awareness and emotional intelligence. It also helps to keep a journal and learn your patterns, including how you're likely to be with others and their—and your—emotions, especially strong emotions. When we are triggered, we are usually less aware of the bigger picture at play and more aware of our own emotional story.
Respect coupled with listening requires a higher level of empathy and enables you to put yourself in someone else's shoes without judgment or letting your own biases get in the way, such as the need to be right or “better.” Knowing your own personal biases and what activates them will stop that from showing up. Even if you do not agree with a person’s point or perspective, it is theirs, and seeking to understand can defuse many situations and prevent them from escalating.
For example, when you are conducting an interview or an employee review, the person on the other end may be nervous, and finding a way to connect and put the person more at ease can help you make a genuine connection and learn what you need about that person.
Empathy is at the heart of The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Becoming aware of and connecting with your emotional state and knowing your biases can help you increase empathy and become a better listener.
I have a tool that helps develop the domains of emotional intelligence called the SEI.
The SEI is an accurate assessment developed by Six Seconds, the world’s leader in emotional intelligence. It can help you increase not only empathy, but also your intrinsic motivation, consequential thinking, and optimism. Contact me today to book an SEI assessment, which includes a 35-page analysis and a one-hour debrief and custom strategy session.